In a nutshell, Susan stumbled across the Reece's Rainbow website last summer, got involved in their ministry to special needs orphans, and eventually felt called to consider adopting one of these precious children. Through prayer, discernment, and discussion, we eventually came to the conclusion that this is something our family can do, and that our family would be enriched by welcoming one of these children. See the Our Adoption Story page for the longer version!
How did you decide to adopt Alex?
Every orphaned child deserves a family, so how do you choose one? Basically, we looked for children who seemed to be at greatest risk (kids at or near age five in danger of being transferred to a mental institution) and who seemed like they would fit well in our family. Then we also focused on children from a particular region of a particular country that has a relatively easy (and therefore relatively inexpensive) adoption process. That narrowed our list down to eight children.
Unfortunately, the up-front information about these children is usually very scant -- generally, a picture and maybe a short description (we're talking about sentences here, not paragraphs). That's not much to base a decision on. So we printed out the names and pictures of these children and prayed for them every night. We also talked and talked some more. We finally landed on Alex because of his great need (he was transferred just before his Sept. 25 birthday), his pre-existing adoption support network on Reece's Rainbow (thanks to Amber and Joanna and others!), and the sense that we were getting through prayer (esp. Susan). Later, I (Jerry) asked God for an explicit sign, which I got.
What is Alex's situation?
We know very little about Alex right now; more detailed information (including a more detailed medical record) will be released once we are in country. Here's what we know from the Reece's Rainbow website:
Sweet smile! Alex was born with CP [cerebral palsy]. Alex is a sweet boy. He is described as VERY smart, and the orphanage staff desperately want a family for him. He is not able to walk at this time, and he does have a functional systolic murmur in his heart.Shortly before he turned five in September 2011, he was transferred from his orphanage into an institution for older children and adults. Although conditions at this institution are described as "not too bad" by the country's institution standards, children living there do not receive the same level of attention or care that they would receive at an orphanage. Children at these institutions do not receive any education or the sort of physical therapy interventions that could help them maximize their potential. At best, it is really a very basic care facility. At worst, the institutions harbor neglect. If you want to know more, the story of John Lahutsky, who was adopted from another country with a similar orphanage/institution system, can be seen here (a story on 20/20, and also a book called The Boy From Babyhouse 10).
We know from second-hand sources who have visited Alex when he was in the orphanage that the description of him as being bright seems accurate; he is described as lively, engaged, communicative, and able to manipulate objects with his hands. His CP primarily affects his legs; we're unsure whether he will eventually be able to walk (with the appropriate intervention and perhaps some braces); we're assuming not for practical purposes, but hoping for the best. We are lucky to live an hour from the Mayo Clinic! We also know from his pictures that he seems to be pretty darn happy -- at least around a camera!
What is the adoption process, and how long will it take?
The length of the adoption process varies greatly, depending on how quickly you do your paperwork and the responsiveness of the many agencies, both here and in the child's home country. For the country and region we're adopting from, the timeline is typically seven months -- which is speedy compared to other countries in Eastern Europe. An adoption might be possible within five months, if absolutely everything goes quickly. That means we could be able to adopt Alex anytime between February and May.
Here's how the process breaks down:
- Commitment. First, we committed to adopting Alex. This involves submitting some forms to Reece's Rainbow along with a substantial up-front payment toward his adoption fund. (We also had to get fingerprinted for a criminal background check!) Once all of that cleared Reece's Rainbow, Alex was taken off the list of children waiting for adoption and moved to the "My Family Found Me" page. It's important to note that this is only meaningful within the Reece's Rainbow community; it has no legal meaning in Alex's home country, meaning that technically, he could be adopted by a third party at any time, although this is very unlikely.
- Home study. Since Reece's Rainbow is an advocacy organization, not an adoption agency, we had to find a separate adoption agency to do the home study for us. This involves a ton of paperwork probing every aspect of your lives, as well as a visit at your home from a social worker specializing in adoptions, and taking a class on adoption. The home study process is geared toward fulfilling the legal requirements set out by the federal and state governments over here. We're in the middle of that process as of this writing (October 8) and expect to finish next week.
- Dossier. Next, we'll prepare a dossier containing all the necessary paperwork for Alex's home country, a process that is just as involved (if not more so) as the home study. All of that paperwork needs to be translated into the official language of Alex's home country.
- More paperwork. Once the dossier is sent off, we have to do more paperwork to prepare for bringing Alex into the U.S. and having him naturalized as a U.S. citizen. This paperwork goes to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service, and includes some high-tech (and very expensive) fingerprints that go to the FBI.
- Travel to Alex's home. Eventually, we will get a travel date from Alex's home country. Both parents need to be there, for at least part of the visit, which generally lasts about three weeks. During that time, we'll meet Alex (under closely supervised conditions) in the institution where he is staying, visit with various local government agencies, and have a court hearing. Once the court hearing is completed, one of the parents (probably Jerry, in our case) can return home while the other remains behind to finish up paperwork and to bring Alex home.
- Followup. Once Alex is here, there's still more paperwork to do to finalize the adoption with the U.S. and the state of Minnesota; usually, the adopting family is legally required to provide followup reports to the child's home country, including photos, which of course we will be quite happy to share.
How much will the adoption cost?
This varies according to country and circumstances, but in our case, we're expecting costs to be approximately $25,000. That's just for the adoption, not including the costs associated with adding another child to the family. The cost may seem high, until you start breaking it down. Airfare -- invariably bought at the last minute -- easily runs about $4,000. Then you're staying in country for three weeks. Then you've got all the paperwork described above, every piece of which is designed to protect the welfare of the child.
Fortunately, the U.S. provides a $10,000 one-time adoption tax credit that will help with these expenses. Also, one advantage of partnering with Reece's Rainbow (besides the great community) is that, as a 501(c)(3) organization, it is able to accept donations on behalf of the adopting family, tax-free. This makes fundraising easier. Virtually no one has this kind of money lying around!
Reece's Rainbow will provide grants up to $20,000; however, certain up-front costs need to be paid by the family. We anticipate needing to pay about $7,000, give or take a few thousand, out of our own pockets.
Why isn't Alex's home country mentioned on this blog?
Many Eastern European countries forbid publishing the child's country of origin, presumably for the child's welfare. If you know Alex's home country, or can guess, please don't mention it online. Thanks.
Are you aware of the risks of adopting an older special needs child from Eastern Europe?
Many friends and relatives have expressed concerns about the risks associated with this sort of adoption. We're aware of those risks, and we've heard the horror stories. We also know that such stories are rare exceptions. We have been following the stories of other families who have been through this process with Reece's Rainbow (most keep blogs), and the outcomes are almost always very positive.
Having said that, we're aware that we're adopting a child with special medical needs, and that the extent of those needs is unknown at this time. We also know that many adopted children, especially older ones, have difficulty attaching to their adopted families. They also need to grieve the losses associated with their adoption.
Fortunately, we're able to tap into some great support networks in Winona, including our Early Childhood Intervention program, our Early Childhood Family Education program, our church, our neighbors, three top-notch medical facilities within an hour's drive of our house, great local medical care, a great school for kids with special needs, and the International Adoption Clinic. We're also reading Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew (about the need for adopted children to openly discuss their adoption and grieve their losses), and The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family, widely recommended and highly praised by other adoptive families (especially international); it basically discusses how to handle the unique emotional needs of adopted children in a way that helps them to bond with their families.
There are no guarantees in life; all sorts of problems can come up with birth children, too. But some things are worth taking a few risks for, and we think bringing Alex home falls into that category.
What do your other kids think about the adoption?
Honestly, they have a wide range of reactions. Our oldest seems pretty enthusiastic; his compassionate, justice-oriented side really wants Alex out of there. Our next oldest ("Mouse") has been much more ambivalent...she likes the family the way it is, and worries how this might change things. Seems like a reasonable worry. But she is also very tender-hearted, and we expect that she will probably warm up to Alex once he's here. Most of us are afraid of the unknown, and she's no different.
Our six-year-old daughter has been enthusiastic, bringing his name up at prayer most nights, but today had sort of an ambivalent reaction when someone asked her this question. Our two-year-old is totally cluelessm but he has a pretty laid-back personality, so we expect him to adjust fine. Although they recommend that you NOT adopt out of birth order...oops...well, we'll make it work anyway.
Does Alex know about you?
We don't know for sure what Alex has or hasn't been told, but we'd be very surprised if anyone told him that he had adoptive parents waiting for him, for the simple reason that nothing is finalized yet, and until things do get finalized, there's always a chance that it could fall through. How discouraging would that be!
How are you going to handle the language barrier?
Our good intentions are to learn Russian in our spare time (seriously!) -- at least a few useful words and phrases. Also, we have a neighbor down the street who speaks passable Russian (five years in college), as well as at least two fluent Russian speakers who are colleagues of Susan's. We figure we can bring these folks in occasionally to explain things to Alex and to field any questions he may have. Finally, we're told by our social worker -- and this is something I've witnessed myself -- that children of this age typically acquire their new language within six months. So we're not talking about a long-term barrier here!
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