Jerry: One of the more frequent questions we get is, “Why are you adopting?” A variation on this question is, "Why are you adopting a child with special needs from Eastern Europe? Aren't there special needs children who need adopting right here in the United States?" Perhaps the story of our journey toward adoption can help to answer that question.
Our journey toward adoption began over the summer of 2010 when Susan stumbled across Kelle Hampton’s moving account of the birth of her daughter, Nella Cordelia, who had Down syndrome. She was also researching Christian responses to people with disabilities, and somehow she landed on the Reece’s Rainbow website. (Reece’s Rainbow dubs itself an organization advocating adoption for orphans with Down syndrome and other special needs. As a 501(c)(3) organization, they are able to raise money to assist people in adopting these children; they also raise awareness of their plight.)
Through Reece’s Rainbow, Susan learned that in many places around the world, children with special needs are not integrated into society. Orphans (and children who have been given up by their parents) fare even worse, often being warehoused in large institutions. Their chances of being adopted are minimal, at best.
In many Eastern European countries (which is where Alex comes from), children who have disabilities are kept in orphanages (“baby houses”) until they are five, at which point they are usually transferred to other institutions where they are kept with other older children and adults with a variety of physical and mental impairments. Conditions at these institutions vary from very bad to “not too bad”; the children who live in them generally receive minimal contact and care. In the worst cases, they may be confined to a crib and sedated for the rest of their (usually short) lives. These conditions have been fairly well documented; see the end of this page for an NBC investigation as well as some of the other documentation.
Susan was very moved by what she learned at Reece’s Rainbow, and she began to get involved in the community there. She began to advocate for a particular child who was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, known on Reece’s Rainbow as Tori. She organized a fundraiser and did lots of advocacy through her website, The Ironic Catholic. With help from a major donor, Tori’s adoption was eventually fully funded on Reece’s Rainbow, and she “found” her “forever family.” Next, Susan turned her attention to another child with CP: Anthony. Again, with the help of a major donor, Anthony, too, found his forever family.
Along the way, Susan became increasingly interested in adopting a child through Reece’s Rainbow.
Susan: One of my favorite guiding lights in the spiritual life comes from St. Antony of Egypt: "The only war left to fight is the battle for your own heart." It's relevant here, because from almost the first moment of finding the Reece's Rainbow site, I knew in my heart: this is a beautiful thing. And I felt really drawn to help these kids--hmmm, maybe we could even adopt one. (And special needs adoption had never really crossed my mind before.) We've been involved in the Catholic Worker, a movement that gives hospitality to the homeless and others in need, for years. One of the things the CW has historically advocated is that Christians open up their own homes to the homeless--if we did, then, well, there would be no one homeless! But we're raising small kids, and kids need stability and security too; it never seemed to fit for us. It occurred to me that these beautiful children were homeless in a different way, needing family, and we're in the throes of raising a family--now this seems to fit! There was always a joy in my heart when I thought about this (and trust me, that didn't take away the serious questions, but the joy remained). My prayer was very peaceful around this. To go back to St. Antony, even in the midst of the ongoing questions and things I was learning about the challenges of these particular adoptions, I knew where my heart was on this. But Jerry's father was dying when this first came up (that is, not a good time for us to make major decisions), and even afterward when I raised the possibility, Jerry suggested I volunteer with Reece's Rainbow for a while first...that maybe I was being called to volunteering rather than adoption per se. I did, and that time certainly bore fruit, but it also made clear volunteering wasn't where my heart was. I decided to raise the adoption issue one last time....
Jerry: In December of 2010, Susan once again raised the subject with me (Jerry) while we were on a date. Once again, I pointed out all of the practical issues that stood between us and an adoption. I seem to remember ticking off five objections, but they all basically boiled down to the difficulty of raising four children on her rather meager salary. (Her university is at the bottom of the pack when it comes to pay, and humanities professors aren’t paid that well to begin with.) Also, I pointed out the many unknowns that come with an adoption, not to mention the unknowns that accompany a child who has special needs.
After dinner, we had a little extra time before our babysitter expired, so we decided to go to church for the rest of our date. (I know, I know…who goes to church for a date??? Us, I guess.) We spent about half an hour praying before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. During that time, I had a very interesting prayer experience that I can only describe as God speaking to me very clearly and forcefully. What God said (not in these words, but more as a strong sense) was: “I want you to try this adoption. You don’t have to, but you shouldn’t be so worried about it. Leave the details to me. This is like other risks you’ve taken for Me…remember what I have done for you before? This will lead to greater joy in your life and in your family, and it will make the child I have chosen for you very happy. Oh, and…hurry. Don’t delay.”
This sort of thing doesn’t happen to me. In fact, I can’t think of another instance of God speaking so clearly to me about a major life direction. So as we leave church, I’m laughing. I can’t stop laughing, either, and Susan looks at me funny and is like, “What? What?” “Oh, you’re not going to believe this,” I say. “But apparently God wants us to adopt. And, we’re supposed to get on it right away.”
Susan: May I just interject that I was shocked?! And happy. Indescribably happy.
Jerry: And that is the short version of how we decided to adopt a child with special needs from Eastern Europe. I think it is important to add here that while the plight of the children profiled on Reece’s Rainbow was and is a significant motivator for our adoption decision, we would not be adopting if we did not also believe that our family would truly be enriched by the presence of another child. The desire to help these children is not, in itself, a sufficient reason to adopt them. You have to have a place in your family (and your heart) for them.
Susan: Absolutely. We love our "good sized" family and we are really happy to be adding a beautiful new life to it!
***
Here are some additional resources on the plight of these children:
The "In Loving Memory" page at Reece's Rainbow
Abandoned to the State: Cruelty and Neglect in Russian Orphanages, by Human Rights Watch
Torture Not Treatment: Serbia's Segregation and Abuse of Children and Adults with Disabilities
An NBC News investigation of conditions in Serbia's mental institutions (warning: hard to watch):
When I was hungry, you gave me something to eat, and when I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. When I was a stranger, you welcomed me, 36and when I was naked, you gave me clothes to wear. When I was sick, you took care of me, and when I was in jail, you visited me.
ReplyDeleteI know you know where that came from. :-)
That is what you are doing.