Sorry we haven't updated as much recently...we have photos, we have news...what we lack, especially during the holiday season, is time!
I did want to briefly share with you our plans to make a small monetary donation to Alex's orphanage, to be used as the director sees fit. You might recall that the money we donated out of Alex's state-sponsored fund was used for meat and seven real windows, to keep out the freezing cold. There are millions, if not billions, of needy people in the world, and many worthy causes. We happen to have a personal connection to these children, so we will do what we can.
We are not actively fundraising for this, but if anyone wants to "add on" to our contribution, please feel free to do so. We are currently waiting to get the okay to move forward from the team in Ukraine. We hope to have something to them by Jan. 7, the date for Orthodox Christmas this year. If you'd like to participate in this, please drop us a line or leave a comment on this post.
Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscellaneous. Show all posts
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
"Why do you want to adopt a special needs child?"
“Why do you want to adopt a special needs child?” It was the morning of our court hearing—in fact, we were going to be leaving for the courthouse in half an hour—and our facilitator was preparing us for some of the questions we would probably be asked. This question, she explained, was guaranteeed to come up.
“Well,” Susan began, a little unsure of how to proceed. She offered a short, stock response: We found out about these children, we felt we had room in our family for another child, we saw how well adoption had worked out for other families….
“You’re not answering the question,” our facilitator said bluntly. “That could apply to any child. Why do you want to come all the way to the Ukraine, go through all this long process, to adopt a child with special needs—when there are children in your own country you could adopt? Or children here who are healthy?”
Well, that does get to the heart of the matter, doesn’t it? This question came up a few times at home—but usually along the lines of, “Why go all the way overseas to adopt? There are plenty of special needs children here.”
Here, the emphasis seems to be more on the “special needs” part of the question. As we’ve mentioned before, the situation in Eastern Europe for people with disabilities is very similar to what it was in the United States a few decades ago. Social norms, cultural biases, ignorance, and the near-absence of any civic infrastructure to accommodate people with disabilities all contribute to the problem.
A couple of incidents have deepened our understanding of why that question carries such importance here. As we briefly mentioned in another post, one of the advocates for the child in our court hearing really kept pressing us on how we could possibly take care of a child who was so severely handicapped and who would need “constant attention from a parent.” As we have heard from many other parents who have gone through these hearings, many people here genuinely can’t imagine any possibility for these children other than institutionalization. How could you possibly care for a child with special needs by yourself? At home?
When others in the room asked this woman why she was asking so many questions, she shot back, “Because I know from experience what it means to take care of a special needs child.” It turns out that she has two children at home, one with cerebral palsy, the other with club feet. Her husband left her after the birth of the second child. Imagine that your children are born with significant disabilities; imagine that you buck convention, ignore the doctors’ advice, and decide to raise them at home—even after your husband walks out on you. They cannot go to school. They receive no social services or help from the government. Getting out is a major challenge when the physical infrastructure of your town is virtually devoid of ramps, elevators, or other accommodations—and when some people will look at your children askance, or worse. What if they need special medical care? An operation? Besides having to find the money for this yourself, you have to go to the hospital with them, and stay with them the entire time, because no one will feed them for you. You have to stay with them all day, every day, without even a cot to lie down on.
What a brave woman. And no wonder so few people are willing to take on that challenge.
During our visit with Alex yesterday, we saw a woman visiting one of the other children in his group. From her demeanor and familiarity with the child, I’d have to assume she was his mother. She seemed genuinely happy to be visiting him. One of the reasons that many of these children are not available for adoption is because families have no other option but to house their children in an institution, but they do not want to cut ties with them.
Given that there are some 120 children in this orphanage, it is a little surprising that she is the only visitor we’ve seen in more than two weeks. On the other hand, quite a few people here work seven days a week. As one person told us, “We’re too poor; we can’t afford to worry too much about such things.”
Under the circumstances, it is no wonder that so many people (including a few judges and orphanage workers) seriously believe that foreigners adopt special needs children in order to harvest body parts, or for their own financial gain. (This was another question we were prepared to possibly be asked in court.)
“Why do you want to adopt a special needs child?”
We looked at each other, then back at our facilitator. “Do you really want to know the truth?” we asked. Yes, yes, she said—tell what is in your hearts.
The truth is that if people from more affluent countries don’t adopt these children, it is extremely unlikely that anyone will. The truth is that if these children are not adopted, there is a high likelihood that they will spend the rest of their (usually short) lives bored senseless, in the most literal sense, confined to a bed in a barren institution where their needs will be met only on the most basic level. The truth is, they may never know what it means to be loved.
The truth is, we are Christians, and God help us, there is no way we would be doing this if it weren’t for our faith. We know the love of God, and the love of family, friends, and neighbors, and we believe that we are called to “pass it on”—not just for the sake of others, such as these children, but because we believe that letting love flow through us—opening ourselves to God’s love, and passing it on to others—makes us more fully alive, and more fully who we were meant to be.
The truth is, we are opposed to abortion (and all forms of violence), and we take seriously the implications of our belief in the dignity of every human being. If we believe that these children should not be thrown away before their birth, then we bear some of the responsibility for taking care of them after their birth. Yes, we do.
And the other truth is, we have fallen in love with this little boy. We began this process because we heard God whispering to us, “Take this risk…take this chance…and watch how wonderful it will be. You can’t imagine all of the good things adopting this child will bring.”
Okay. Why not? Every time we follow the invitation of that teasing little voice—that challenge to stretch ourselves, to give a little more—wonderful things happen.
We would never want to discount the real hardship and sacrifice that accompanies loving any child, and especially children with severe special needs. Not everyone is able to do it, not everyone is called to it, perhaps sometimes not even the biological parents. That’s okay. We do what we can, right? But if the question is why we in particular want to embark on this journey, then the answer is simple: It’s good to love someone, and it is especially good to love someone who is especially in need of that love.
(Susan, by the way, wants it to be noted that we were not quite so poetic in court, where our answer was significantly shorter and more practical: We’re practicing Catholics, and our faith calls us to help others, and the children here need help that we are uniquely qualified to offer. Now that would have been a much shorter post, wouldn’t it?)
“Well,” Susan began, a little unsure of how to proceed. She offered a short, stock response: We found out about these children, we felt we had room in our family for another child, we saw how well adoption had worked out for other families….
“You’re not answering the question,” our facilitator said bluntly. “That could apply to any child. Why do you want to come all the way to the Ukraine, go through all this long process, to adopt a child with special needs—when there are children in your own country you could adopt? Or children here who are healthy?”
Well, that does get to the heart of the matter, doesn’t it? This question came up a few times at home—but usually along the lines of, “Why go all the way overseas to adopt? There are plenty of special needs children here.”
Here, the emphasis seems to be more on the “special needs” part of the question. As we’ve mentioned before, the situation in Eastern Europe for people with disabilities is very similar to what it was in the United States a few decades ago. Social norms, cultural biases, ignorance, and the near-absence of any civic infrastructure to accommodate people with disabilities all contribute to the problem.
A couple of incidents have deepened our understanding of why that question carries such importance here. As we briefly mentioned in another post, one of the advocates for the child in our court hearing really kept pressing us on how we could possibly take care of a child who was so severely handicapped and who would need “constant attention from a parent.” As we have heard from many other parents who have gone through these hearings, many people here genuinely can’t imagine any possibility for these children other than institutionalization. How could you possibly care for a child with special needs by yourself? At home?
When others in the room asked this woman why she was asking so many questions, she shot back, “Because I know from experience what it means to take care of a special needs child.” It turns out that she has two children at home, one with cerebral palsy, the other with club feet. Her husband left her after the birth of the second child. Imagine that your children are born with significant disabilities; imagine that you buck convention, ignore the doctors’ advice, and decide to raise them at home—even after your husband walks out on you. They cannot go to school. They receive no social services or help from the government. Getting out is a major challenge when the physical infrastructure of your town is virtually devoid of ramps, elevators, or other accommodations—and when some people will look at your children askance, or worse. What if they need special medical care? An operation? Besides having to find the money for this yourself, you have to go to the hospital with them, and stay with them the entire time, because no one will feed them for you. You have to stay with them all day, every day, without even a cot to lie down on.
What a brave woman. And no wonder so few people are willing to take on that challenge.
During our visit with Alex yesterday, we saw a woman visiting one of the other children in his group. From her demeanor and familiarity with the child, I’d have to assume she was his mother. She seemed genuinely happy to be visiting him. One of the reasons that many of these children are not available for adoption is because families have no other option but to house their children in an institution, but they do not want to cut ties with them.
Given that there are some 120 children in this orphanage, it is a little surprising that she is the only visitor we’ve seen in more than two weeks. On the other hand, quite a few people here work seven days a week. As one person told us, “We’re too poor; we can’t afford to worry too much about such things.”
Under the circumstances, it is no wonder that so many people (including a few judges and orphanage workers) seriously believe that foreigners adopt special needs children in order to harvest body parts, or for their own financial gain. (This was another question we were prepared to possibly be asked in court.)
“Why do you want to adopt a special needs child?”
We looked at each other, then back at our facilitator. “Do you really want to know the truth?” we asked. Yes, yes, she said—tell what is in your hearts.
The truth is that if people from more affluent countries don’t adopt these children, it is extremely unlikely that anyone will. The truth is that if these children are not adopted, there is a high likelihood that they will spend the rest of their (usually short) lives bored senseless, in the most literal sense, confined to a bed in a barren institution where their needs will be met only on the most basic level. The truth is, they may never know what it means to be loved.
The truth is, we are Christians, and God help us, there is no way we would be doing this if it weren’t for our faith. We know the love of God, and the love of family, friends, and neighbors, and we believe that we are called to “pass it on”—not just for the sake of others, such as these children, but because we believe that letting love flow through us—opening ourselves to God’s love, and passing it on to others—makes us more fully alive, and more fully who we were meant to be.
The truth is, we are opposed to abortion (and all forms of violence), and we take seriously the implications of our belief in the dignity of every human being. If we believe that these children should not be thrown away before their birth, then we bear some of the responsibility for taking care of them after their birth. Yes, we do.
And the other truth is, we have fallen in love with this little boy. We began this process because we heard God whispering to us, “Take this risk…take this chance…and watch how wonderful it will be. You can’t imagine all of the good things adopting this child will bring.”
Okay. Why not? Every time we follow the invitation of that teasing little voice—that challenge to stretch ourselves, to give a little more—wonderful things happen.
We would never want to discount the real hardship and sacrifice that accompanies loving any child, and especially children with severe special needs. Not everyone is able to do it, not everyone is called to it, perhaps sometimes not even the biological parents. That’s okay. We do what we can, right? But if the question is why we in particular want to embark on this journey, then the answer is simple: It’s good to love someone, and it is especially good to love someone who is especially in need of that love.
(Susan, by the way, wants it to be noted that we were not quite so poetic in court, where our answer was significantly shorter and more practical: We’re practicing Catholics, and our faith calls us to help others, and the children here need help that we are uniquely qualified to offer. Now that would have been a much shorter post, wouldn’t it?)
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Alex's orphanage
Well, we didn't get a travel date today...it could come any day now, really...but we did connect with another family who is adopting another child from Alex's country, a 15-year-old girl who we were considering adopting at one point (in addition to Alex). And they have a connection to a U.S.-based organization, Serving Special Orphans, that visits that institution about once a year. Here are some videos from the institution; one is from Serving Special Orphans, the second is from another organization's 2008 mission trip, and the third is from February 2011 (also Serving Special Orphans).
Here is a link to the third video, which I can't embed:
http://servingspecialorphans.blogspot.com/2011/02/orphans-in-znamenka-sing-their-hearts.html
The woman who runs this organization has also described a couple of her recent visits; you can find those descriptions here: February 2011 visit (scroll down to last paragraph); June 2011.
I think the videos and the descriptions capture the complicated picture in the orphanages over there. On the one hand, you will see smiling and happy children there -- and that's good. On the other hand, you will also see children living in inhumane conditions. Another take-away for me...as the author describes, this orphanage is vastly improved over where it was 10 years ago. The trend is in the right direction. International organizations and the families who adopt these special needs children are contributing to that trend.
Here is a link to the third video, which I can't embed:
http://servingspecialorphans.blogspot.com/2011/02/orphans-in-znamenka-sing-their-hearts.html
The woman who runs this organization has also described a couple of her recent visits; you can find those descriptions here: February 2011 visit (scroll down to last paragraph); June 2011.
I think the videos and the descriptions capture the complicated picture in the orphanages over there. On the one hand, you will see smiling and happy children there -- and that's good. On the other hand, you will also see children living in inhumane conditions. Another take-away for me...as the author describes, this orphanage is vastly improved over where it was 10 years ago. The trend is in the right direction. International organizations and the families who adopt these special needs children are contributing to that trend.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
"Free, safe, loved"
Nothing to report on Alex, given the "pause" on our paperwork for the Thanksgiving weekend. We do continue to pray for him daily -- today, our oldest child's prayer was for Alex to find something new and interesting to occupy his time.
On this Sunday evening, I popped over to another adoption blog -- specifically, to a post by a family who just brought home an 11-pound girl named Katerina...who is nine years old. You did read that correctly. In her post, "Free, Safe, Loved," her mom describes their first few days together -- both heartbreaking and heartwarming. And the pics of her new siblings meeting their sister for the first time will bring a smile to your face.
One more thing to be thankful for this weekend....
On this Sunday evening, I popped over to another adoption blog -- specifically, to a post by a family who just brought home an 11-pound girl named Katerina...who is nine years old. You did read that correctly. In her post, "Free, Safe, Loved," her mom describes their first few days together -- both heartbreaking and heartwarming. And the pics of her new siblings meeting their sister for the first time will bring a smile to your face.
One more thing to be thankful for this weekend....
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