"That's so good of you...."

A frequent first reaction to news that we're adopting a special needs child from Eastern Europe is, "That's so good of you!" or, alternatively, "You're so brave!" I get what people are going for (that'd probably be the first thing out of my mouth, too)...but...I am working on my immediate response being, "We're so lucky." 'Cause we are.


We're lucky to be bringing home Alex, of course, and we're also lucky to have an experienced person walking us through the legal maze of the adoption process. That would be Nancy, our stateside coordinator. Documents continue to arrive in our mail from various state and federal agencies...Susan continues to fax things back to Nancy for her OK...and we're getting ready for our medical tests--I have been on the phone with the doctor's office three times already today arranging for the lab orders.

Also, I am attempting to learn some Russian, using liveMocha (at the suggestion of people on the RR forum). It is slow going. I turned to Susan the other day and said, "You know, this is kinda hard. It might take me a while to learn this." She just gave me a look that said, "Well, duh!"


Thanks again to everyone for their prayers and support.

- Jerry

Home study...so close....

This was a busy day on the paperwork front. Home study draft came, working on an employment letter (somewhat tricky since my husband is self-employed), lots of question and answer emails on different documents, trying to get blood work done before our physicals next week and following....

Movement is good! The best news is that the home study could really be 100% done next week. Yahoo!

Motto for the adoption process?

"Pray, hope, and don't worry"--

St. Padre Pio

:)

For those "in the know" about international adoption, we are getting our first documents for the dossier apostilled right now, gathering other notarized documents, and awaiting the draft home study.  Whew.

We have a winner!

...and it's little Alex! You all helped get him this much closer to out of his institution!   :)

Seriously, if you want the three minute version of who won the giveaway of the awesome rosary or Amazon giftcard, here 'tis:



The shorter version: Congrats to John Bowdon! Check your email!

We think we gained enough through your amazing generosity (and a couple of other checks others have promised) to fund the rest of the pre-travel expenses!

So if you want to give to the amazing "adopting Alex campaign," we'll use any additional monetary donations to get the house ready for Alex. But the actual adoption seems to be covered. So, while the Paypal button is still up on the "How to Help" page, the ChipIn widgets are coming down. Thank you so much, everyone. We can't say it enough, we truly can't.  --Susan

A few more questions

I'm adding a few more questions to the FAQ, after fielding them quite a few times in the past few days.

What do your other kids think about the adoption?
Honestly, they have a wide range of reactions. Our oldest seems pretty enthusiastic; his compassionate, justice-oriented side really wants Alex out of there. Our next oldest ("Mouse") has been much more ambivalent...she likes the family the way it is, and worries how this might change things. Seems like a reasonable worry. But she is also very tender-hearted, and we expect that she will probably warm up to Alex once he's here. Most of us are afraid of the unknown, and she's no different.

Our six-year-old daughter has been enthusiastic, bringing his name up at prayer most nights, but today had sort of an ambivalent reaction when someone asked her this question. Our two-year-old is totally cluelessm but he has a pretty laid-back personality, so we expect him to adjust fine. Although they recommend that you NOT adopt out of birth order...oops...well, we'll make it work anyway.

Does Alex know about you?
We don't  know for sure what Alex has or hasn't been told, but we'd be very surprised if anyone told him that he had adoptive parents waiting for him, for the simple reason that nothing is finalized yet, and until things do get finalized, there's always a chance that it could fall through. How discouraging would that be!

How are you going to handle the language barrier?
Our good intentions are to learn Russian in our spare time (seriously!) -- at least a few useful words and phrases. Also, we have a neighbor down the street who speaks passable Russian (five years in college), as well as at least two fluent Russian speakers who are colleagues of Susan's. We figure we can bring these folks in occasionally to explain things to Alex and to field any questions he may have. Finally, we're told by our social worker -- and this is something I've witnessed myself -- that children of this age typically acquire their new language within six months. So we're not talking about a long-term barrier here!

Two hours left to win a beautiful rosary or get a giftcard! UPDATE

Two hours to go in the giveaway (more here)! Thank you everyone!

UPDATE: we received $1950 in donations (some donations were given to us via US mail).  Wow.  We'll choose and announce a giveaway winner Sunday (I've got the flu today). --Susan

Alex gets a major grant

As we already announced on Facebook, today we received word that Alex is receiving a major grant...enough to top out his Reece's Rainbow adoption fund. This is really good news, because it allows us to move forward with the adoption as quickly as possible, without being distracted by fundraising...or worrying that a lack of funding would delay the adoption. We still need to raise money for our pre-adoption expenses; however, the many generous gifts we've received so far should be enough to pay for the release of the home study (half the home study fee is paid up front, half at completion). We've received donations from almost 40 people so far! Moving this adoption along has truly been a community effort.

The grant comes from a charitable foundation operated by the son of some long-time friends. These same friends were instrumental in helping to co-found our local Catholic Worker houses, which have provided food, shelter, and friendship to those who need it for the past twenty years. Their son also helped to fund the adoption of Anthony (another five-year-old boy for whom we were advocating, and whose adoptive parents are waiting to receive their travel date). (This will be their last Reece's Rainbow grant, as the focus of their foundation actually lies elsewhere.) We're deeply grateful for their help.

As I type this, Susan is busily setting up a new scanner/fax machine in order to fax the first of many documents to our stateside coordinator. There are so many documents to be faxed for the dossier that we were actually advised that purchasing a cheap fax machine would be cheaper than paying to have them faxed at the local copy shop. The other day we sat in a cubicle at our great hometown bank having document after document notarized according to very exacting standards (not upside down! not double-stamped! not crossing any lines!). Today Susan was back at the bank getting a letter indicating that. yes, we really do own our home. Amazing. Three cheers to Susan -- and to Nancy, our stateside coordinator -- for taking on the brunt of the paperwork.

Please keep Alex -- and all children living in precarious situations -- in your prayers.


- Jerry

Q and As I hope I get to use...

Q. How many bedrooms do you have anyway?
A.  More than Alex does.

Q. Do you know anything about raising a child with special needs?
A. Some, and we're learning, but ... we know a lot about being human!

More to come.  Working on notarizing a form called a CSP today.  Jerry will put in his passport renewal.  And we've got three more days in the Big Bleg for Alex and cool giveaway.  Thanks so much for your support!

--Susan

Divide and conquer?

Jerry and I know each other pretty darn well after 12 years of marraige, and two things we know--I (Susan) deal with paperwork and bureaucracy better than he does.  And I am more a morning person, whereas he is a night owl.

Well, that means that it makes sense that I do all the paperwork for this adoption process, and while Alex is completely worth it, Jerry is right when we cheerfully tells people "it's kind of pushing her to the brink!"  Unfortunately, the only time I have to do it is nighttime--not my most cheerful, mentally crisp time of day.  The only amusing moment to come out of this paperwork so far was when I was looking up a current credit card statement for a document, and it was Jerry's card, so when I got the the unfamiliar password prompt, the website gave me pre-set question to answer: who was your first girlfriend/boyfriend?  So I turned to Jerry and said, "OK, honey.  Who was your first girlfriend?"  And he looked at me somewhat horrified and said, "Wow--these social workers really want to know everything, don't they?!"

Anyway, if I can figure out this dossier process, I am really trying to get it going quickly.  Some parts looks pretty easy, others look like making a high dive with a triple twist back flip--but people do it--it must be possible.

On a different note, some people have been asking us more about the finances of international adoption.  Another blog, with a person who very recently adopted from Alex's home country, itemized the costs.  I have that on a new page, if you want to see:click here.  Also, our Big Bleg for Alex and a Cool Giveaway continues through October 21.  We continue to be deeply touched by people's generosity in getting beautiful Alex OUT OF THERE and into our home as quickly as possible.  Thank you, and if you're so moved, please spread the word!

A quick update...starting the dossier

So, here's a quick update on where we're at in the adoption process:

• We've completed all the paperwork for the home study and are just waiting for the adoption agency that is handling it to send us the final draft.
• We've started work on the dossier of paperwork required by Alex's home country. Those of you who are the praying sort can pray about this, because the amount of paperwork--about twice as much as for the home study--and the pickiness of the requirements is a bit daunting. Just for example, Susan and I need physicals based on a very particular form that needs to be signed and notarized in the doctor's office. Where do you get a notary who is willing to go to a doctor's office? And we need copies of the doctors' licenses. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
• We've been assuming that we would not be able to make the deadline for submitting our dossier materials because it was so close at hand, but now that deadline looks like it might be more up in the air. Normally Alex's home country stops accepting new adoption applications for two months beginning Nov. 1 in order to catch up on the backlog. Without going into too much detail, it looks as though that deadline might get kicked out a little this year--but no one's sure at this point. If it is pushed back far enough, we might be able to get our dossier through before the deadline, which would get Alex over here two months faster.
• In order for that to happen, though, we really need to hit green lights all the way down the road. In particular, we need to get special $700 fingerprints from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service office in the Twin Cities (two hours away), and appointments are usually two months out. Apparently, once you have an appointment you can try just showing up to see whether they will squeeze you in, but that is not a guarantee. Those of you who don't mind praying for miracles can pray for this one!
• We've received more than $1,400 in donations and pledges in the past week. The full amount is not reflected in the Chip In ticker because several of the donations have been by check. Those of you who have donated should be receiving a thank you e-mail soon, followed by a more formal thank you card with pictures of Alex after he lands in the U.S. Thank you so much for your help.

 The adoption process, like life itself, has its ups and downs. We've had both in the past week -- the "ups" definitely coming from all the support we've been getting (just amazing), while the "downs" have come from the realization of just how much we have to pull together in order to pull this off.

We'll keep you posted!

Gratitude

Wow. Words cannot express the gratitude we're feeling for the outpouring of support we've been getting from friends, neighbors, and even people I've never heard from before. Your words of encouragement are more meaningful than you might imagine.

It's amazing how important that web of support is, isn't it? A couple of years ago we came very, very close to losing the younger of my two sisters, who suffered a major heart attack shortly after the birth of her fourth child. She was given CPR for forty-five minutes and shocked with a defibrillator almost two dozen times; then she was in a medically induced coma for several days. The support we received from friends and family -- and eventually, from hundreds of "strangers" (friends of friends of friends...) was amazing, and so sustaining. It makes a difference to know you're not doing something so big all alone.

Now, we're having a similar experience...but in a much more positive context. We have no illusions about the challenges involved in welcoming Alex into our family...we spent about an hour on Sunday night with our social worker going over the range of possible manifestations of reactive attachment disorder...and if we were trying to take this on all by ourselves, I would be much more anxious. But it feels as if God has sent us many, many companions -- from adoption and medical experts to friends and more distant supporters -- to support us on this journey. God is good (as Joanna is fond of saying!).

We have raised $750 from 26 contributors since beginning the giveaway yesterday. Thank you all very much! The giveaway runs until October 22.

Peace,


Jerry

The post where we beg and offer a cool giveaway as a bonus

Everyone, you know from a previous post that we are thick in the middle of living out a call to adopt Alex, a beautiful five-year-old child of God who lives in Eastern Europe and is stuck in a (very) basic care institution simply because he has CP. Some people have asked what they can do to help change Alex's life. And the first thing we always say is pray for Alex's protection.  Children with special needs are in pretty dire straits if they are orphaned in this country: no school ever, primitive care, limited treatment for their diseases or disabilities. While we have recent information that he is doing OK (considering), we'd very much like it to stay that way and pray for his protection every morning and evening.  (And lunch time, bike time, down time, ...you get the idea.)

But the second reality is that international adoption is not cheap at all. No one I know has $25,000 lying around.  While we are in a better situation than we could have expected financially (thanks in part to hard work others have done to help fundraise for Alex!), we could really use help with the pre-travel expenses associated with this adoption. For example, Jerry needs to renew his passport ($110). We need to pay for all these documents to get apostilled (that's a kind of "super-notarization" that works internationally - $3-10 a document, and there are what, 20 documents?). Paying to Fed Ex materials to this country so that they will actually GET there ($200-300?). Paying for super special fingerprints for the USCIS ($720--yes, you read that right). We will make it happen. We've nearly paid for the home study and promise trust (that's over $4000). But could we use help?  Oh yes, we can, trust me. We're pretty frugal folks--one older minivan for the family, lots of back rack clothes shopping, well-versed in bean based dishes, vacations involve camping because it's cheap--but pinching pennies only goes so far.

We're running a giveaway to help raise these necessary funds. If you are led to help Alex (this is in the end for him! and even $5 is MUCH appreciated), put some money in the chip-in here:




Every person who donates money between now and October 21 will be added to our prayers. We will also use random.org on October 22 to choose a person to win a $30 credit at my sister-in-law Becky's Etsy shop, Roses for Mary.  She hand-makes REALLY lovely rosaries out of clay and glaze--look at her shop feedback; people are truly delighted with these.  Your selections must be limited to stock on hand.  But here are some samples:

They would make great Christmas presents, even if you aren't into rosy rosaries (and not all of them are).

Also, if you don't want a rosary,

we'd be happy to give the winner a $30 Amazon gift card instead.

Please keep Alex in your prayers, and please spread the word about this giveaway via fb, Google+, twitter, your blog, or ye olde phone. It's humbling to ask for money, but for my son?  I'd do much more than this.

--Susan

More on the International Adoption Clinic

Yesterday, Susan mentioned the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Minnesota. I actually looked up their website today and am even more impressed than I was at our meeting with the social worker. It's reassuring to have such great resources close at hand.

According to our social worker, the doctors at the IAC can diagnose most reactive attachment disorder issues based on a video (e.g., uploaded to them while you're still in the child's country). They also watch out for diseases that ordinary pediatricians might miss, just because those diseases aren't so common in the U.S. (e.g., scabies).

From what we're learning, it seems very likely that Alex will have "issues" beyond what are typical for children who grow up in a birth family...which shouldn't be all that surprising. We've got great resources here in Winona, though, as well as at the state level.

Here's a video from the IAC website for anyone who is curious....

- Jerry

One more thing done....

We were in the Twin Cities this weekend for training (part of the home study requirement) with our social worker.  It was helpful since we weren't in with a bunch of families--just us!  So she tailored the session to us, since we know something (we think) about parenting in general and she knows which country we are adopting from.  We also discussed some of the special needs issues.  One thing we found out about (well, Susan knew this, but now knows more about it) was the International Adoption Clinic run by the University of Minnesota, which sounds like a super fantastic resource.

Anyway, once the medical reports are in (and that's in our doctor's hands), the home study work is DONE!  I think that was 2 1/2 weeks!  I give credit to this agency (International Adoption Services in Edina, MN), which really moved quickly on this.

--Susan

A visit from the social worker

The last couple of weeks, Susan has been spending countless hours filling out paperwork and figuring out what we need to do to move the adoption process forward. Today, all of that work took on a new dimension when our social worker drove down from St. Paul to do a home visit. Unfortunately, we had not counted on her arriving so quickly (it's a two-hour drive, minimum), so neither of us were home when she arrived. I was actually on my way home from an Early Childhood Family Education class with Mudpuppy (our soon-to-be two-year-old--tomorrow, in fact), when I got a call from the social worker who said she was at our house and one one was there and could she please get in because she really had to use the bathroom! How embarrassing (for us, I mean). Things went much better after that. She had each of us tell our whole life story (well, almost), interviewed our kids briefly, and asked a bunch of questions about our adoption. The hardest part was trying to remember the dates when various things happened. Now all we need is some paperwork from the kids' doctor, and one last letter of recommendation (provided by none other than Minnesota's teacher of the year!), and we should be about done with the home study.

New pictures of Alex

We got a number of new pictures of Alex yesterday; these were taken in the last few days, at his new institution. As you can see, he's smiling (as usual!).