Baby steps

Home study addendum to USCIS tomorrow (the 29th). Check! Next step: approval from the US Gov't to accept a foreign orphan into the country: one-eight weeks. Obviously, hoping and praying for one week!

Reece's Rainbow in the news

You can follow this link to a video clip of an ABC News story on a couple who adopted a little girl with Down Syndrome through Reece's Rainbow. It gives you a good idea how and why people adopt children with special needs from Eastern Europe. This story didn't tell us anything we didn't already know, but it does serve as a very good 4 minute primer on the state of orphans with DS in Eastern Europe, and how adoption makes a difference. And it's nice to see RR get good publicity!

Moving, moving ,moving....

OK, the USCIS officer got in touch today (and we got the promised letter an hour later), and we know what needs to be corrected.  Truth be told, only one thing needs to be corrected in our facilitator's humble opinion, and the other piece was very minor, but hey, at least we know what to do now!  So I hope our social worker will be working on this tomorrow!  It would be fantastic is we could get this mostly done by January 1...but we're still a ways from that.

--Susan

Thank you!

Wednesday night, we were surprised.  The priests at Immaculate Heart of Mary Seminary on our campus invited us (the whole family) to daily mass and dinner afterward.  I thought this was a little unusual, but my lfe motto is never question or turn down a free meal, so we accepted.  Anyway, we attended their lovely chanted mass, and at dinner, they surprised us by saying they had taken up a donation for Alex's adoption fund and wanted us to have it to honor our commitment to life and following God's call.  It was a significant donation! It was clear they were so happy to do that for us.

We sent a thank you note, but I don't think we can really say how touched we were by this.

In other news...

Good news: Sen. Klobuchar (MN) got a staff person on our case and urged USCIS to move our process along, given the special need circumstances.  All this within three hours of contact.  Way to go, Senator!

Bad news: USCIS called and apparently thinks we need an amended homestudy.  The officer left a message on our voice mail and began to explain, and then said "oh look, I'll detail this in an official letter.  Check your mail." 

Nooooooooooooo!  Just talk to us!  Whatever is missing (and I'm clueless as to what that could be), just tell us and we'll get our agency on it right within the hour!  

Jerry and I tried to call three times yesterday afternoon.  She's not in.

Happy happy joy joy.

Trying again tomorrow....

--Susan

Pray, Hope, Don't Worry

I joked earlier this was the motto of the blog, memorably said by Padre Pio.  Well, here's our test, I guess.

This blog is now private (temporarily we hope, but who knows) because a recent fear has arisen that adoptions in Alex's home country may be derailed by an individual who is claiming children set to be adopted by foreigners for his private foster care system in Alex's home country (they do have foster care; it is rare).  The chances of Alex being "picked up" for foster care are slim, but we decided to go private and take down his pictures elsewhere, in case this person (or someone else) decides to sabotage the adoption before it even happens.  I don't have a problem with Alex getting adopted by another family if they get there first--it does happen, although it is very unusual--but I do have a problem with someone putting Alex in a problematic fostering situation because we happen to be Americans hoping to adopt him.

I should be clear--most adoptions are moving ahead very smoothly and we have heard NOTHING about Alex being targeted for this in any way.  There are a couple of reasons it is unlikely in any case.  We are operating out of a super-abundance of caution.

This is a very delicate situation diplomatically and I appreciate you all keeping this quiet.  Please do not pass this around.  Many thanks.  Remember: pray, hope, don't worry!

--Susan

Hello all.  We just put this blog on private.  If you see this, you're in.  If someone you know wants in, let us know with an email.  Thanks....

The Saga of the $800 fingerprints

One of the major milestones on the path to an international adoption is getting your fancy, expensive fingerprints from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service. Today was the day for that -- and it was not quite what we had expected.

We got up at 4:30 this morning, leaving the older kids to sleep while we got ourselves and our toddler ready for the two-and-a-half-hour trip to St. Paul. We had a friend come over at 5 a.m. (thank you, Mary!) to get the kids off to school. Off we went, into the sleepy darkness.

The trip was uneventful, with only minor difficulty finding the place. (Anyone else who has to go to the Saint Paul USCIS field station should know that it's on west University Avenue, something they don't tell you. The place is located in a mall.) We arrived a few minutes before they opened, along with about a dozen other people, many of them speaking foreign languages. The first thing you encounter when you enter is a guard station with lots of warning signs: NO CELL PHONES - NO RECORDING DEVICES - NO CAMERAS, etc., etc. Fairly intimidating even for a citizen.

When Susan got to the desk she explained that we had an appointment for December 22 but had driven up a week and a half early to avoid the possibility of weather on that day. We knew we were in trouble when the guard frowned and said, "How do you know it's going to be bad weather on December 22? You're expecting a blizzard? It could be bad weather today, too!" She grimaced and said she would talk to the immigration officer.

At this point I'm thinking: We went to all that trouble arranging childcare for the kids and getting up early to travel all this way, and they're going to send us back.

But she comes back and says, "He'll talk to you. Have a seat."

So, we have a seat in the rather spartan waiting room and nervously wait, not saying anything. Baby boy is playing with the car keys, the happiest person in the room.

Before too long this harried-looking guy comes out and says to us rather sternly, "You have an appointment for December 22. It says right on the form that you could reschedule. So why are you here now?" And he goes on to explain that they follow a careful schedule and they can't work people in just because they show up, etc., etc. He is clearly more than peeved.

Susan begins explaining about not wanting to miss the appointment due to bad weather. He explains again that we could have rescheduled. We're giving him dumbfounded looks, so he elaborates on this a bit. Finally I put in, "But it says right on that form, in big, block letters, that if we miss the appointment, our application will be considered abandoned."

He checks. It does. "Well, that's not for adoptions," he says. "We can't print out separate forms for all the different types of cases. This is meant for people who miss their appointments, then show up a year later and want to reschedule." Hmm, thanks for the belated clarification.

At this point I'm thinking, "Okay, God, this is where you may need to come in." And I pray for the man, and for us. And I sit down, rather shakily, because it occurs to me that I am 6'7" and 225 pounds (I forget this sometimes), and it might be good to be looking up at him with my best big, brown, waif-like eyes (as best as a big guy in his 40s can muster waif-ish-ness). "Well," I say, looking at the toddler boy, "I guess we saw that warning and it seemed like it would be prudent not to have to choose between abandoning our application because of bad weather or dying in a car crash on the highway."

"Dying in a car crash on the highway is a sad thought," the man admits, smiling a bit for the first time. I'm thinking maybe we have a chance here.

"So...probably a better way for us to have handled this would have been to call ahead to check whether we could come early. But would we even have been able to reach this office?"

He smiles wanly and shakes his head. "Well, you'd get the call center in Missouri."

Finally, reluctantly, and with much sighing, he says he will work us into his busy schedule. The guard gives us a couple of forms to fill out. While we're doing this, the immigration officer is telling another couple -- loudly enough for the entire room to hear -- that..."I'm letting that couple with the baby go because they're all the way from Winona and they're worried about dying in a blizzard. You're only from Plymouth [30 miles across town]. You'll have to come back on your appointment day." A little more back and forth with them and they turn sadly away. Yikes.

After we hand in the short form, we get taken back to the technicians for fingerprinting, one by one. Susan goes first, then it's my turn. The fancy fingerprinting machine is basically a little digital scanner. The technician wets your fingers with a fine mist and then presses your fingers on the glass, one by one. As she does this, your fingerprints appear on a large computer display. So it's an extra-sensitive scanner that basically digitizes your fingerprints.

I asked the very bored and distracted technician (hey, it's only 8:20, lady!) what makes these special -- any different from the ink ones we had done at the local jail. She either doesn't get the question or doesn't want to respond because she gives me a series of non-answers. Oh well. Must be classified government immigration stuff.

On our way out, I stop by the guard station to make nice with the guard, who smilingly offers an extended, detailed explanation of how they really are quite flexible -- they routinely reschedule people who have to cancel an appointment due to weather, etc. These people are human beings working inside a bureaucracy -- it's their job to enforce a system they have no control over, which makes them the "bad" guys, but of course no one wants to be thought of as the bad guys. So I am glad she feels better as I leave.

And I'm very glad it's over. Good thing they don't have any issues with government bureaucracies in Eastern Europe! (ha ha)

Fingerprinting on Tuesday...?

Hello friends! We received our appointment for USCIS fingerprinting (Yay!), and will try to go early...that is, Tuesday, starting out at 5am. It would have been today, but we have freezing drizzle throughout Minnesota...and I'm not driving in that stuff ever! Our friend Mary is going to get the older kids to school in the morning and the youngest is coming for the ride.

Prayers for a quick and smooth trip and appointment appreciated!

Waiting....

Very "advent," you have to admit.

Just a quick update on the bureaucratic details.  We're waiting on the fingerprint appointment, and heard that we may get the appointment date in the mail this coming week.  We're pulling a few more details together on the dossier, which seems like a go (but we need those fingerprints and permission from USCIS before the dossier can be sent in).  So there were a few more paper shuffles and calls this week, but it was a low key week (since we can't do too much without the fingerprints).

Some of you who have been following this a while, a child we were advocating for, Anthony, is going to meet his new mom and dad very soon!  Leann and Chris are scheduled to receive their formal referral in Anthony's home country December 22, and meet him soon afterward.  Yay!!!  They live in the same country, but not the same region, so no hope of meeting Alex on this trip....

Have a good week, all.  Thanks for your support and prayers.

Peace, Susan

"Free, safe, loved"

Nothing to report on Alex, given the "pause" on our paperwork for the Thanksgiving weekend. We do continue to pray for him daily -- today, our oldest child's prayer was for Alex to find something new and interesting to occupy his time.

On this Sunday evening, I popped over to another adoption blog -- specifically, to a post by a family who just brought home an 11-pound girl named Katerina...who is nine years old. You did read that correctly. In her post, "Free, Safe, Loved," her mom describes their first few days together -- both heartbreaking and heartwarming. And the pics of her new siblings meeting their sister for the first time will bring a smile to your face.

One more thing to be thankful for this weekend....

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

And a day late but heartfelt--we are THANKFUL for everyone's support!  We hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving Day!

--Susan

More preparations for Alex

While Susan has been knee-high in paperwork, I have been trying to take care of some practical preparations for Alex's arrival in a few months (March or April, we're thinking). This past weekend, we met with a native Russian who moved to our town four years ago. She visited (introduced by a mutual friend) with a view to learning how she might be able to help Alex's transition. She is happy to provide translation services on occasion, especially around appointments and other events that might be a bit scary. She's also going to try teaching me Russian...we'll see how that goes. And then at the kids' school the other day, I ran into another acquaintance (from Early Childhood Family Education) who is also a Russian immigrant, and she offered to help with translation as well. We were late for teacher conferences, so I didn't have a chance to follow up, but I expect that to be on my to-do list. And then we have a friend who lives three blocks away who took five years of Russian in college who will also help out in a pinch.

Another thing I'm working on is establishing relationships with our support circle. Through our good friend (and doula to three of our kids!) who works in the local early family education department, we got a referral to a good family therapist. It is hard to imagine someone growing up in institutions for their first five years not having some adjustment issues -- and it's possible that that adjustment period could be pretty bumpy. We're going to see her on December 1 to establish a relationship, and then we'll probably schedule an appointment with her for shortly after we come home with Alex. Even if he has no immediate adjustment issues, having someone to help him think through what it means to be adopted may be helpful down the road.

Another interesting tidbit...we've been praying for Alex to have a playmate at the adult institution where he's living now, someone to help him pass the time. Today we received an e-mail from someone we know through Reece's Rainbow who is adopting another child from the same country as Alex. She wrote to say that she had a vivid dream in which she was playing with Alex...and apparently, she didn't know this was something on our heart that we were praying for. So maybe that is another "nudge" from God, a little reassurance that there are angels (some perhaps in human form) watching over him.

The other children....

Jerry has mentioned that when we were discerning to adopt Alex, there was a list of children we were praying for, and we felt it was one of these children.  I want to list them here...one, Molly, is getting adopted (yay!!!), but the others are waiting.  Maybe you know someone who can adopt them...spread the word!  They all deserve a home and don't have a good future in their home country at all.  They all live in different regions of the country from Alex, so there is no way we can even see them.

Alexander and Kory
They don't have to be adopted together but could be.  Both have Down Syndrome, and Alexander is considered happy and high functioning, while Kory has great personality.... Alexander also has a huge adoption grant, $8000!  That is a massive help to the adopting family right away!  They also live in a region where the court often waives the 10 day wait for special needs adoptions, which reduces overall costs.

Reese is a 5 yr old girl with CP, in a wheelchair, very friendly and has said she wants a family of her own.  I know, that breaks my heart.  She is in a wheelchair; at the moment, she is in one of the better orphanages....

Francine , to my mind, is barely special needs--she has CP but has learned to walk (albeit with a tiptoe walk) on her own.  She's pretty strong!  She is also a charming child, and I talked with a mom who met her--she thinks she would do really great in a family!  I could give you this mom's name for more information.

Genesis was off our list almost immediately because a family committed to adopt her--and then had to pull out after we committed.  :-(  She is blind and does have some hearing problems.  On the other hand, she is smiling and playing on a rocking horse in the picture....  Unfortunately, she is not in a good place now.  But with hearing aids (perhaps?) and attention, she could do so much better....  Reece's Rainbow has more information about Genesis, so contact them for details.  Yay!!!!  Genesis has a family coming! 

Reid also has CP and what looks like a laundry list of diagnoses (note that some of the diagnoses listed basically say the same thing, different words!), but seems to be doing well.  Let's be clear: epilepsy can be controlled with meds.  Delayed physical development is the norm for kids who grow up in orphanages--even in the best, it is not an ideal situation for kids and their bodies show it.  Mental retardation--OK, maybe.  But kids in these circumstances have some mental delays--again, in the best orphanages, it still isn't ideal for brain development.   Spastic diplegia means the CP is primarily in his legs.  Crossed eyes can be helped by wearing a patch.  Etc.  This is all to say I read this and think, basically, Reid has CP.  Period.

***

All of these children are 5 or 6.  That means they are available for adoption NOW.  (Their country currently has restrictions on adopting some of these "special needs" until age 5, but these kids are free and clear for international adoption.)  It also means that they are on the edge of getting transferred to an institution (if they aren't there already, like Genesis).  Care is generally much worse in institutions.  Adoption is their ticket out.  Please spread the word! And contact us (or better yet Reece's Rainbow) if you are interested in adopting any of these children yourself.

--Susan

What we're praying for these days...

...is a playmate for Alex, in his current "home." It's that simple: someone to pass the time with, someone to have fun with. We're praying for this every night with the kids during our "family prayer time." Maybe you can pray for this with us!

One hurdle hopped...

OK, the home study is completely, utterly DONE.  Woo hoo!

That means we sent our I600a application to US Immigration today, along with a personal letter with a picture of Alex, and a medical expedite form from our family physician.  This ultimately is permission to allow a foreign orphan into the USA.  It will involve fancy-smancy fingerprints taken in St Paul.  This is part of the waiting game--we hope this moves relatively quickly.

Also requested a new criminal background check, since the one our home study did used the name Windley Daoust -- that is, they missed the hyphen.  Yes, this paperwork is THAT detail oriented.  I mean, we are the ONLY family of Windley-Daousts on earth.  It ought to be pretty easy to realize its the same couple, right?  Oh well, it's irrelevant: they set the hurdles, and we jump them.  Period.  There are worse things than paperwork.

And those of you in the know about adoption changes in Alex's home country--we re-did the CSPs to match the newly named department that handles adoptions.  They are off to get apostilled.  So that continues as well!

It's not terribly interesting, but there it is: more paperwork put in the "OUT" box.  Someday, there won't be anything left in the "IN" box!  I can't tell you how much I look forward to that day!

--Susan

Setbacks

Well, it's been a hard week on the adoption front. Without going into too much detail, the pickiness of the government agency in Alex's home country has resulted in us having to re-do several documents...in one case we're being told that the lack of a hyphen in our last name in an official document means it has to be redone. When I went to get the paperwork from my doctor's office, it took more than an hour to get it done, mostly because of issues with notarizing the doctor's license. This isn't surprising given that there's half a page of very exacting specifications about how these documents are to be completed, down to the color of the ink. On top of that, my doctor initially didn't want to provide a copy of his license -- which he's never been asked for before -- out of concern that it might be used for illegitimate purposes (i.e., selling Viagra over the Internet). (He did provide it in the end, though.) After all that, we found out that one of the foregin government agency's codes had been entered wrong, so we had to go back to the doctor and have them complete the document again and notarize it again.

And today we got the great news that because the foreign government's adoption bureaucracy has been re-organized -- and therefore renamed -- we will have to re-do much of the paperwork that we've already completed for the dossier, including new apostilles (basically a type of document certification done at the state level)...just so that the new name of the reorganized government bureaucracy will be on them.

Meanwhile, Alex continues to languish in a mental institution intended for adults...waiting, waiting, waiting.

I hereby take back every bad word I've ever spoken about American government bureaucracies...including the IRS, which took seven months to process our income tax refund. We have no idea how good we have it.

Obviously, we're pretty frustrated by this setback, which may kick our timeline out by several weeks, at least. Our other preparations for Alex -- figuring out bedroom space, connecting with doctors and schools, learning a few words of his native language -- are going fine. We continue to get great community support, both locally and through our extended online community. Please pray for us as we take deep breaths and start over on this paperwork nightmare.

- Jerry

We've got passports and medical records!

Here's another general update on our progress with the adoption...

• Susan continues to slog through the endless paperwork necessary for the dossier. The latest news is that my (Jerry's) passport just arrived in the mail (a big shout out to Suzanne for funding that!)...this is good because the passport information was needed in order to complete anothe ream of documents that will need to be notarized and apostilled. 
• Also, Susan has completed her medical examination and lab tests, and I will do the same on Monday. The only hitch there is that Susan's doctor's license (which the country requires a notarized copy of) expires in a month, so probably we will need to wait for her to renew it. 
• And our Minnesota home study agency says that the home study should be done early next week, which means that they will be sending it, along with a big fat check from us, to Homeland Security so we can get on a waiting list for the fancy-shmancy fingerprints they require. 
• The typical wait time for getting the fingerprints is apparently about two months...pray that we get in sooner than that, because that is one of the main factors determining how long we'll have to wait before going to Alex's home country.

Also, I am attempting to learn Russian in my "spare" time. My thinking is that Alex will feel much more comfortable if someone speaks at least a few words of the language he has grown up with! So far it is slow going. I am comforted somewhat by remembering that I only have to acquire the vocabulary of the average five year old...so only 2,000-4,000 words to learn, huh? Wish me luck!

"That's so good of you...."

A frequent first reaction to news that we're adopting a special needs child from Eastern Europe is, "That's so good of you!" or, alternatively, "You're so brave!" I get what people are going for (that'd probably be the first thing out of my mouth, too)...but...I am working on my immediate response being, "We're so lucky." 'Cause we are.


We're lucky to be bringing home Alex, of course, and we're also lucky to have an experienced person walking us through the legal maze of the adoption process. That would be Nancy, our stateside coordinator. Documents continue to arrive in our mail from various state and federal agencies...Susan continues to fax things back to Nancy for her OK...and we're getting ready for our medical tests--I have been on the phone with the doctor's office three times already today arranging for the lab orders.

Also, I am attempting to learn some Russian, using liveMocha (at the suggestion of people on the RR forum). It is slow going. I turned to Susan the other day and said, "You know, this is kinda hard. It might take me a while to learn this." She just gave me a look that said, "Well, duh!"


Thanks again to everyone for their prayers and support.

- Jerry

Home study...so close....

This was a busy day on the paperwork front. Home study draft came, working on an employment letter (somewhat tricky since my husband is self-employed), lots of question and answer emails on different documents, trying to get blood work done before our physicals next week and following....

Movement is good! The best news is that the home study could really be 100% done next week. Yahoo!

Motto for the adoption process?

"Pray, hope, and don't worry"--

St. Padre Pio

:)

For those "in the know" about international adoption, we are getting our first documents for the dossier apostilled right now, gathering other notarized documents, and awaiting the draft home study.  Whew.

We have a winner!

...and it's little Alex! You all helped get him this much closer to out of his institution!   :)

Seriously, if you want the three minute version of who won the giveaway of the awesome rosary or Amazon giftcard, here 'tis:



The shorter version: Congrats to John Bowdon! Check your email!

We think we gained enough through your amazing generosity (and a couple of other checks others have promised) to fund the rest of the pre-travel expenses!

So if you want to give to the amazing "adopting Alex campaign," we'll use any additional monetary donations to get the house ready for Alex. But the actual adoption seems to be covered. So, while the Paypal button is still up on the "How to Help" page, the ChipIn widgets are coming down. Thank you so much, everyone. We can't say it enough, we truly can't.  --Susan

A few more questions

I'm adding a few more questions to the FAQ, after fielding them quite a few times in the past few days.

What do your other kids think about the adoption?
Honestly, they have a wide range of reactions. Our oldest seems pretty enthusiastic; his compassionate, justice-oriented side really wants Alex out of there. Our next oldest ("Mouse") has been much more ambivalent...she likes the family the way it is, and worries how this might change things. Seems like a reasonable worry. But she is also very tender-hearted, and we expect that she will probably warm up to Alex once he's here. Most of us are afraid of the unknown, and she's no different.

Our six-year-old daughter has been enthusiastic, bringing his name up at prayer most nights, but today had sort of an ambivalent reaction when someone asked her this question. Our two-year-old is totally cluelessm but he has a pretty laid-back personality, so we expect him to adjust fine. Although they recommend that you NOT adopt out of birth order...oops...well, we'll make it work anyway.

Does Alex know about you?
We don't  know for sure what Alex has or hasn't been told, but we'd be very surprised if anyone told him that he had adoptive parents waiting for him, for the simple reason that nothing is finalized yet, and until things do get finalized, there's always a chance that it could fall through. How discouraging would that be!

How are you going to handle the language barrier?
Our good intentions are to learn Russian in our spare time (seriously!) -- at least a few useful words and phrases. Also, we have a neighbor down the street who speaks passable Russian (five years in college), as well as at least two fluent Russian speakers who are colleagues of Susan's. We figure we can bring these folks in occasionally to explain things to Alex and to field any questions he may have. Finally, we're told by our social worker -- and this is something I've witnessed myself -- that children of this age typically acquire their new language within six months. So we're not talking about a long-term barrier here!

Two hours left to win a beautiful rosary or get a giftcard! UPDATE

Two hours to go in the giveaway (more here)! Thank you everyone!

UPDATE: we received $1950 in donations (some donations were given to us via US mail).  Wow.  We'll choose and announce a giveaway winner Sunday (I've got the flu today). --Susan

Alex gets a major grant

As we already announced on Facebook, today we received word that Alex is receiving a major grant...enough to top out his Reece's Rainbow adoption fund. This is really good news, because it allows us to move forward with the adoption as quickly as possible, without being distracted by fundraising...or worrying that a lack of funding would delay the adoption. We still need to raise money for our pre-adoption expenses; however, the many generous gifts we've received so far should be enough to pay for the release of the home study (half the home study fee is paid up front, half at completion). We've received donations from almost 40 people so far! Moving this adoption along has truly been a community effort.

The grant comes from a charitable foundation operated by the son of some long-time friends. These same friends were instrumental in helping to co-found our local Catholic Worker houses, which have provided food, shelter, and friendship to those who need it for the past twenty years. Their son also helped to fund the adoption of Anthony (another five-year-old boy for whom we were advocating, and whose adoptive parents are waiting to receive their travel date). (This will be their last Reece's Rainbow grant, as the focus of their foundation actually lies elsewhere.) We're deeply grateful for their help.

As I type this, Susan is busily setting up a new scanner/fax machine in order to fax the first of many documents to our stateside coordinator. There are so many documents to be faxed for the dossier that we were actually advised that purchasing a cheap fax machine would be cheaper than paying to have them faxed at the local copy shop. The other day we sat in a cubicle at our great hometown bank having document after document notarized according to very exacting standards (not upside down! not double-stamped! not crossing any lines!). Today Susan was back at the bank getting a letter indicating that. yes, we really do own our home. Amazing. Three cheers to Susan -- and to Nancy, our stateside coordinator -- for taking on the brunt of the paperwork.

Please keep Alex -- and all children living in precarious situations -- in your prayers.


- Jerry

Q and As I hope I get to use...

Q. How many bedrooms do you have anyway?
A.  More than Alex does.

Q. Do you know anything about raising a child with special needs?
A. Some, and we're learning, but ... we know a lot about being human!

More to come.  Working on notarizing a form called a CSP today.  Jerry will put in his passport renewal.  And we've got three more days in the Big Bleg for Alex and cool giveaway.  Thanks so much for your support!

--Susan

Divide and conquer?

Jerry and I know each other pretty darn well after 12 years of marraige, and two things we know--I (Susan) deal with paperwork and bureaucracy better than he does.  And I am more a morning person, whereas he is a night owl.

Well, that means that it makes sense that I do all the paperwork for this adoption process, and while Alex is completely worth it, Jerry is right when we cheerfully tells people "it's kind of pushing her to the brink!"  Unfortunately, the only time I have to do it is nighttime--not my most cheerful, mentally crisp time of day.  The only amusing moment to come out of this paperwork so far was when I was looking up a current credit card statement for a document, and it was Jerry's card, so when I got the the unfamiliar password prompt, the website gave me pre-set question to answer: who was your first girlfriend/boyfriend?  So I turned to Jerry and said, "OK, honey.  Who was your first girlfriend?"  And he looked at me somewhat horrified and said, "Wow--these social workers really want to know everything, don't they?!"

Anyway, if I can figure out this dossier process, I am really trying to get it going quickly.  Some parts looks pretty easy, others look like making a high dive with a triple twist back flip--but people do it--it must be possible.

On a different note, some people have been asking us more about the finances of international adoption.  Another blog, with a person who very recently adopted from Alex's home country, itemized the costs.  I have that on a new page, if you want to see:click here.  Also, our Big Bleg for Alex and a Cool Giveaway continues through October 21.  We continue to be deeply touched by people's generosity in getting beautiful Alex OUT OF THERE and into our home as quickly as possible.  Thank you, and if you're so moved, please spread the word!

A quick update...starting the dossier

So, here's a quick update on where we're at in the adoption process:

• We've completed all the paperwork for the home study and are just waiting for the adoption agency that is handling it to send us the final draft.
• We've started work on the dossier of paperwork required by Alex's home country. Those of you who are the praying sort can pray about this, because the amount of paperwork--about twice as much as for the home study--and the pickiness of the requirements is a bit daunting. Just for example, Susan and I need physicals based on a very particular form that needs to be signed and notarized in the doctor's office. Where do you get a notary who is willing to go to a doctor's office? And we need copies of the doctors' licenses. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
• We've been assuming that we would not be able to make the deadline for submitting our dossier materials because it was so close at hand, but now that deadline looks like it might be more up in the air. Normally Alex's home country stops accepting new adoption applications for two months beginning Nov. 1 in order to catch up on the backlog. Without going into too much detail, it looks as though that deadline might get kicked out a little this year--but no one's sure at this point. If it is pushed back far enough, we might be able to get our dossier through before the deadline, which would get Alex over here two months faster.
• In order for that to happen, though, we really need to hit green lights all the way down the road. In particular, we need to get special $700 fingerprints from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service office in the Twin Cities (two hours away), and appointments are usually two months out. Apparently, once you have an appointment you can try just showing up to see whether they will squeeze you in, but that is not a guarantee. Those of you who don't mind praying for miracles can pray for this one!
• We've received more than $1,400 in donations and pledges in the past week. The full amount is not reflected in the Chip In ticker because several of the donations have been by check. Those of you who have donated should be receiving a thank you e-mail soon, followed by a more formal thank you card with pictures of Alex after he lands in the U.S. Thank you so much for your help.

 The adoption process, like life itself, has its ups and downs. We've had both in the past week -- the "ups" definitely coming from all the support we've been getting (just amazing), while the "downs" have come from the realization of just how much we have to pull together in order to pull this off.

We'll keep you posted!

Gratitude

Wow. Words cannot express the gratitude we're feeling for the outpouring of support we've been getting from friends, neighbors, and even people I've never heard from before. Your words of encouragement are more meaningful than you might imagine.

It's amazing how important that web of support is, isn't it? A couple of years ago we came very, very close to losing the younger of my two sisters, who suffered a major heart attack shortly after the birth of her fourth child. She was given CPR for forty-five minutes and shocked with a defibrillator almost two dozen times; then she was in a medically induced coma for several days. The support we received from friends and family -- and eventually, from hundreds of "strangers" (friends of friends of friends...) was amazing, and so sustaining. It makes a difference to know you're not doing something so big all alone.

Now, we're having a similar experience...but in a much more positive context. We have no illusions about the challenges involved in welcoming Alex into our family...we spent about an hour on Sunday night with our social worker going over the range of possible manifestations of reactive attachment disorder...and if we were trying to take this on all by ourselves, I would be much more anxious. But it feels as if God has sent us many, many companions -- from adoption and medical experts to friends and more distant supporters -- to support us on this journey. God is good (as Joanna is fond of saying!).

We have raised $750 from 26 contributors since beginning the giveaway yesterday. Thank you all very much! The giveaway runs until October 22.

Peace,


Jerry

The post where we beg and offer a cool giveaway as a bonus

Everyone, you know from a previous post that we are thick in the middle of living out a call to adopt Alex, a beautiful five-year-old child of God who lives in Eastern Europe and is stuck in a (very) basic care institution simply because he has CP. Some people have asked what they can do to help change Alex's life. And the first thing we always say is pray for Alex's protection.  Children with special needs are in pretty dire straits if they are orphaned in this country: no school ever, primitive care, limited treatment for their diseases or disabilities. While we have recent information that he is doing OK (considering), we'd very much like it to stay that way and pray for his protection every morning and evening.  (And lunch time, bike time, down time, ...you get the idea.)

But the second reality is that international adoption is not cheap at all. No one I know has $25,000 lying around.  While we are in a better situation than we could have expected financially (thanks in part to hard work others have done to help fundraise for Alex!), we could really use help with the pre-travel expenses associated with this adoption. For example, Jerry needs to renew his passport ($110). We need to pay for all these documents to get apostilled (that's a kind of "super-notarization" that works internationally - $3-10 a document, and there are what, 20 documents?). Paying to Fed Ex materials to this country so that they will actually GET there ($200-300?). Paying for super special fingerprints for the USCIS ($720--yes, you read that right). We will make it happen. We've nearly paid for the home study and promise trust (that's over $4000). But could we use help?  Oh yes, we can, trust me. We're pretty frugal folks--one older minivan for the family, lots of back rack clothes shopping, well-versed in bean based dishes, vacations involve camping because it's cheap--but pinching pennies only goes so far.

We're running a giveaway to help raise these necessary funds. If you are led to help Alex (this is in the end for him! and even $5 is MUCH appreciated), put some money in the chip-in here:




Every person who donates money between now and October 21 will be added to our prayers. We will also use random.org on October 22 to choose a person to win a $30 credit at my sister-in-law Becky's Etsy shop, Roses for Mary.  She hand-makes REALLY lovely rosaries out of clay and glaze--look at her shop feedback; people are truly delighted with these.  Your selections must be limited to stock on hand.  But here are some samples:

They would make great Christmas presents, even if you aren't into rosy rosaries (and not all of them are).

Also, if you don't want a rosary,

we'd be happy to give the winner a $30 Amazon gift card instead.

Please keep Alex in your prayers, and please spread the word about this giveaway via fb, Google+, twitter, your blog, or ye olde phone. It's humbling to ask for money, but for my son?  I'd do much more than this.

--Susan

More on the International Adoption Clinic

Yesterday, Susan mentioned the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Minnesota. I actually looked up their website today and am even more impressed than I was at our meeting with the social worker. It's reassuring to have such great resources close at hand.

According to our social worker, the doctors at the IAC can diagnose most reactive attachment disorder issues based on a video (e.g., uploaded to them while you're still in the child's country). They also watch out for diseases that ordinary pediatricians might miss, just because those diseases aren't so common in the U.S. (e.g., scabies).

From what we're learning, it seems very likely that Alex will have "issues" beyond what are typical for children who grow up in a birth family...which shouldn't be all that surprising. We've got great resources here in Winona, though, as well as at the state level.

Here's a video from the IAC website for anyone who is curious....

- Jerry

One more thing done....

We were in the Twin Cities this weekend for training (part of the home study requirement) with our social worker.  It was helpful since we weren't in with a bunch of families--just us!  So she tailored the session to us, since we know something (we think) about parenting in general and she knows which country we are adopting from.  We also discussed some of the special needs issues.  One thing we found out about (well, Susan knew this, but now knows more about it) was the International Adoption Clinic run by the University of Minnesota, which sounds like a super fantastic resource.

Anyway, once the medical reports are in (and that's in our doctor's hands), the home study work is DONE!  I think that was 2 1/2 weeks!  I give credit to this agency (International Adoption Services in Edina, MN), which really moved quickly on this.

--Susan

A visit from the social worker

The last couple of weeks, Susan has been spending countless hours filling out paperwork and figuring out what we need to do to move the adoption process forward. Today, all of that work took on a new dimension when our social worker drove down from St. Paul to do a home visit. Unfortunately, we had not counted on her arriving so quickly (it's a two-hour drive, minimum), so neither of us were home when she arrived. I was actually on my way home from an Early Childhood Family Education class with Mudpuppy (our soon-to-be two-year-old--tomorrow, in fact), when I got a call from the social worker who said she was at our house and one one was there and could she please get in because she really had to use the bathroom! How embarrassing (for us, I mean). Things went much better after that. She had each of us tell our whole life story (well, almost), interviewed our kids briefly, and asked a bunch of questions about our adoption. The hardest part was trying to remember the dates when various things happened. Now all we need is some paperwork from the kids' doctor, and one last letter of recommendation (provided by none other than Minnesota's teacher of the year!), and we should be about done with the home study.

New pictures of Alex

We got a number of new pictures of Alex yesterday; these were taken in the last few days, at his new institution. As you can see, he's smiling (as usual!).

Introductions...

Yep, that's us.... Don't we look like a happy bunch?

Hello everyone--we're so happy to announce that we've decided to start the process of welcoming another member, little five-year-old Alex. Although we did make the final decision, we haven't been alone in the long discernment process that brought us to this point. Friends, family, co-workers, spiritual counselors, and the wonderful community at Reece's Rainbow have nudged, prodded, tugged, guided, held our hands, and generally accompanied us along the way. Above all, we have truly felt God's presence in this process.

A little bit about ourselves, for those who don't know us. Susan teaches theology at Saint Mary's University in Winona, Minnesota; she has an alter ego online, the Ironic Catholic, a moderately wildly some-people-other-than-her-mom-read-it popular Catholic humor blog. (Which recently won the Cannonball Awards in the category of Most HiFreakinLarious Blog. Plus, an archbishop at the Vatican said that it made him laugh.) She did her graduate work at Vanderbilt University. Jerry (me) is a stay-at-home dad who is also a writer, editor, and erstwhile website developer. My last "real" job was as a development editor at Saint Mary's Press, where I specialized in Catholic high school theology textbooks. These days, I'm trying to revive my writing career, when I'm not busy helping out with our church's family faith formation program.

We have four children, who go by pseudonyms online to protect their privacy (we don't want future romantic interests Googling their names and finding pictures and stories from their childhood!). Bear is 11 and interested in video games, cooking, and building things from scratch. He also plays the violin. Mouse is nine and a HUGE reader...she's into princesses and fairies and horses. She is also quite the artist and writer. Jaybird is six, a real firecracker who is enthusiastic about almost everything; this summer, she learned to swim, bike without training wheels, and lost her first tooth. Mudpuppy is two, but long since two in spirit. He is known to every grocery store clerk in these here parts by name, on account of his wonderful and ever-present smile.

We live in Winona, the "Miami of Minnesota," the "historic island city" located on the banks of the Mississippi River. This is a great community to raise children in, and we're connected with many circles of friends. Our neighborhood has a block party every year; we have a wonderful school system, including an Early Childhood Family Education program; our church, St. Mary's Parish, is lively and engaged; and we have been blessed to be part of the Winona Catholic Worker community, which provides food, shelter, and friendship to those in need here in Winona. We're surrounded by natural beauty--in the bluffs, the river, a huge city park right nearby, and five state parks and wildlife areas within an hour's drive.

Hmm...what else? Oh...did I mention that we're Catholic? If not, I just wanted to put that out there.

We have a family blog called Gracewatch (like Baywatch, except with swim diapers instead of Speedos). You can learn more about our family there -- with the caveat that it is intended primarily as a way to keep our family and friends up on our news, so expect some inside baseball as well as a certain candor on matters of faith and politics. This blog -- Adopting Alex -- is where we'll provide adoption news for friends, family, and the wonderful community at Reece's Rainbow. We're especially excited to finally be connecting with Alex's support community that has been working on his behalf for so long. A special shout out to Joanna and Amber -- you guys did make a difference. You're an inspiration.

As everyone who is familiar with these adoptions knows, we're only at the beginning -- we've got a long ways to go, and nothing is for certain at this point. We're hoping that this blog, along with the Adoption and Awareness for Alex Facebook page, can be a hub for much-needed ongoing support.

Most of all, please continue to pray for Alex -- that he will be protected, mentally and physically, where he is right now, and that the adoption process will go smoothly and quickly.

--Jerry

...And this is Susan here.  I think we're going to sign our posts, although you will likely be able to tell quickly...we have very different styles of sharing communication (Jerry has the elegantly worded information posts, and I tend to have the passionate theological ones)!  We are so blessed and excited!  But there is a lot to tell you about Alex, his situation, and what this involves.  God has been so good to us, and we are honored that he is leading us down this path.  We'll share more later.

Peace, Susan